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Who is the most important person in your life at the moment is a question I often ask my patients.

When they start telling me I raise both hands and count the people they mention, encouraging them to name names, husband or wife, children each one adding to the raising number of digits, aunties, uncles, brothers, sisters, friends even the cat, dog and budgie sometimes, each one adding to the number of fingers I display to them as they speak.

My next question often however brings an important point to light.

Still holding my raised hands in front of them, with all fingers and both thumbs outstretched I ask “and where are you in this list”? And so often they have ignored themselves; their own needs put to one side. This is laudable, but often detrimental to them.

I then ask my client, what happens to them if something happens to you? This can be a sobering thought.

All too often we as individuals do not notice the importance of our lives in the lives of others, so often we say no to ourselves so we can say yes to others. Even when we know we are saying yes and no in the wrong places!

As I said earlier this is laudable, but makes little sense. Of course we have to be flexible at times, we have to do things we don’t want to do, I am not advocating complete selfishness, but we have to recognise we can say yes and no where we want them to fit, we should take time out for ourselves and say yes to ourselves, so we can feel better, contribute more in the longer term, be more relaxed and rested in mind, body and emotions.

During these difficult social and economic times, we need to look at every way we can to be at ease with ourselves, to regain, maintain or enhance our confidence and self esteem, to be more relaxed, to find ways of enhancing our relationships with others and finding ways to help us be who and what we are capable of being.

The airline industry presents us with a great example of self care.
Anyone who has taken some interest in the safety procedures demonstrated by the cabin crew pre take off, will be aware that adults are instructed in the case of any emergency where oxygen masks drop down in front of passengers, it is important that adults put on their oxygen masks before aiding their children with theirs.  It makes perfect sense, you as the responsible adult can help your child much more effectively if you are not gasping for every breath; oxygen starved trying to help your child before you pass out, in which case your child will not stand much of a chance without you.

This much more dramatic example portrays the importance of looking after ourselves. We can all identify people who are doing a slow motion version of not putting their masks on, struggling to help others while slowly driving themselves to despair, distraction and destruction.

So we take responsibility for what we choose to do, and what we choose not to do.
I hope readers will consider looking after them selves, for simply it is not selfishness, it is self preservation.

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