Does true communication exist?
After many years in practice I have come to the conclusion that it doesn’t. We see examples and experience it every day. The conversation which turns into a row, because of a misunderstanding of a word, phrase or even the tone of voice used. The email which comes across cold, unfeeling or insensitive. Friendships near breaking point because of a misinterpretation of a written or verbal word or through the misinterpretation of an action or inaction. These are often misinterpreted due to failures in our own internal dialogue, the sleep deprived individual missing the nuances, frustration and agitation caused by tiredness. The stressed executive being assertive which comes over as aggression.
These and many more examples can be seen around us every day, and often experienced too.
For true communication to exist, every person would have to have had the same experiences, thoughts, upbringing, social background, beliefs and much more. Simply it does not exist; the best we can hope for is to convey our thoughts and feelings in an appropriate way to the individual to whom we are (trying to) communicate. Without this understanding on both sides long term friendships can dissolve within moments, irreparably damaged, or at best strained for some considerable time.
Our own internal dialogue can be misinterpreted too; we can label an emotion as anger, when it is simply frustration for example. We can also set ourselves up for failure by interpreting past events and outcomes negatively. Our own internal dialogue is very important to us, and it can make us feel successful or feel like a failure, it can make us feel happy or sad, loved or unloved, valued or unvalued, positive or negative and many other emotions as well.
What we tell ourselves has a massive impact on our lives, what we choose to believe can propel us to success and victory, or disappointment and defeat. As individuals having the correct label on the right emotion helps us to function well, while failure to do so will limit us in all aspects o
f our lives.
And yet getting this internal dialogue right is not really that difficult, we have to simply learn new ways to think, feel and behave. The person who does not feel confident or relaxed simply has to learn to think differently. And it starts with learning that we have the power and authority in our lives. We are the controllers in our lives, not some remembered hurtful or limiting words from a dominant individual from our past, or present. When we learn we have the right to effective self communication, then we can start to live the life we truly want to live.
Communication with others however is different; it is usually more complex especially when emotion is involved. Some would argue there is little logic in emotion, once communication breaks down into emotional responses it makes sense to try and calm things down, identify the cause and to correct it the best we can. I hope I have communicated well!
We all own the power or authority in our lives to think and believe what we want to about ourselves, though sometimes we have to recognise that we have that authority to do so first.
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